Dammit!

The spacers are beyond painful. Worse than ever. Can't chew. Even a banana is hard to get down. I just want to eat some damn turkey meatballs. I've been in so much pain I haven't been posting regularly at NB or eating very much, which is why i feel sick to my stomach and dizzy today. I just keep reminding myself it will all be worth it in the end. 

5 days and counting... Mike is going with me so he can be the first to laugh. No, he doesn't want me driving back from the 'burbs alone after all of that. 

Casey wants a t-shirt that says "My best friend has braces" with an arrow point my way. I think I'll make on for her. 

My friend Jasmine is going to the handsome dentist for some Invisalign consulting. She sends me an email today saying that in a few years we both will have "pretty, pretty teeth". I thought that was sweet.

Space Cadet

See that blue guy there? I have 7 of those in my mouth right now. They hurt like hell - honestly, more than anything up until now (with the exception of opening my mouth the first few days after surgery). 

After sitting for 20 minutes in the chair at the ortho, she (the ortho) comes in, pokes around and gets down to business. I was annoyed how long I waited. I was also under the impression that I'd be getting metal spacers like that of my childhood (only on my upper right, which prevented evil toothhood) where they pulled my first pre-molars. Nope. She flossed these suckers in and it made me wince each time. But thanks to that metal spacer I had back in the day, I only needed one of these jerks on my upper right. Then she proceeded to tell me (although she prefaced with "I shouldn't tell you this but...") that during final exams (HS? college? dental school?) she had just gotten the same spacers and they drove her nuts, so she kept pulling them out and putting them back in.

Five minutes later, it was done. She sent me packing with some extras attached to floss in case any fall out. I get them out next week when the braces go on, so really, if one comes out, I don't think I'm going to bother. I'm assuming that this pain will be similar to what it feels like to get braces tightened, which will be happening every 3 weeks, starting next Tuesday. 

I proceeded to eat a sandwich, which took about 20 minutes. Probably because I was cutting it and am still new to the whole fork-and-knife thing since I've spent most of my life avoiding foods that can't be cut with the side of my fork. The sandwich, although delicious and more healthy than just drinking an Odwalla Super Protein drink, was probably a bad idea. The spacers make it feel as if something is caught in your teeth and I've been obsessively checking to make sure they haven't fallen out since I ate. Took 2 Aleve at work, but that didn't seem to do much.

Guess it's back to the oxycodone for me...

Light Dinner Conversation

A week to the day after my surgery, I was already back to one of my several jobs - styling a photoshoot for a local mag (I'll put up pics once their out - 2nd week of March). It was a cold and windy day and not exactly the kind of weather you really think "spring fashion". Needless to say - poor model (at least I get to keep my coat on for the outside shots). 

Immediately after we wrapped (OK, I did some quick returns), I joined Mike and his parents, bro and girlfriend for dinner at Hamersley's. Most of the dinner convo revolved around my surgery and the other blonde girl from NJ's travails at law school. Now there's an interesting dichotomy in Mike's family, which I believe I handle very well (I better with 6 years under my belt), so please don't take Mike's comments all too literally. His mom does sometimes, and that occasionally leads to misunderstandings.

So the convo goes down like this, with the topic moving from my surgery to me getting braces:

Mike: Braces are a great excuse to postpone a wedding.

Mike's Mom (exasperated): That's a terrible thing to say, Michael.

Mike (to me, in a completely joking manner): Honey, I just wouldn't want you to be upset with the pictures because you have braces.

Me: I thought I was doing this so I wouldn't ruin the pictures in the first place.

Mike's Mom continues to yell at him for his original comment.

Mike: I would marry you tomorrow if it weren't for the braces.

Me: I won't have the braces tomorrow, so you have yourself a good two weeks to make good on that.

Mike: Well then, all you have to do is sign a piece of paper I have...

Then after some chastising from his mother, Mike began to explain that my braces will be platinum with diamond settings. The engagement braces are once again a point of reference. If only they could be transformed into a ring afterward. He's totally going to kill me for sharing this silly exchange.

Then his dad started insinuating fart jokes. Once again, he saves my day.

I swear I'm not obsessed with getting married - it's just that it's been the undertone of my orthodontic adventures.

Recovery

I've had a remarkably quick recovery. Have taken maybe 7 1/2 pain killers (mostly in halves) and it feels more like my teeth are going to jump out of my gums. This is what I'm guessing braces might feel like. Also, the stitches have been most itchy. Took a couple days before I could brush my teeth well - I have a cleaning set for March 16th so they really have their work cut out for them. Started eating solids again because I might just stop eating if I have potatoes for one more meal. Baby bites. Learned the hard way that it's a bad idea to get chicken katzu at Ginza as the crispies get inside my lip and burn my stitches. Do I even have stitches there? Sure feels like it.

Recovery

From the hospital, we went to the CVS where Mike waited for my Rx's as I called my friend Lauryn, who just so happens to work upstairs. Unfortunately, she was out of the office. I realized that Mike had taken a pic on my phone and emailed it out to A, Casey, Shaka and Adam G to let them know I survived. I responded to emails for a while, Mike got the goods, then we went to pick up pineapple juice and frozen peas. I dozed off in the car and found myself feeling just fine when we got home. Mike also bought me Dippin Dots, root beer, Quik and multiple red flavors of Jello. I'm the luckiest girl ever.

The day was spent with peas on my face and me having a hard time opening my mouth. I didn't sleep much at all and felt pretty good with the exception that my mouth. Clearly, the anesthesia hadn't worn off. I was nervous that I lost all feeling in my lower lip and tongue, but that wore off eventually as well. I received two deliveries of flowers from Mike's aunt and uncle. They're spectacular.

They also sent me frozen hot chocolate mix from Serendipity. Divine, although I haven't eaten it yet. Mike made the most amazing mashed potatoes ever, but I have joker mouth (the corners are super cracked) and it's more difficult to eat because of that then because my jaw hurts. I've also have a renewed love for pudding. I'm mortified that I'm going to break my dissolvable stitches, particularly from my evil tooth because it was so far back onto the roof of my mouth, my tongue naturally lays there (as opposed to obsessively touching it, as you would think - I'm doing pretty good with that).

My pain killers are good for just that, killing the pain, and making me fall asleep if I put my mind to it. I really thought I'd be in lala land somewhere. I've been more lucid than I usually am in my typical daily life. I've only taken 3 so far. Because I took a sweet nap after my first oxycodone, I couldn't fall asleep until 2 last night. 

Then I was up at 7am. I ate more mashed potatoes, which hurt. Again, because of the joker mouth. All the Vaseline in the world isn't making it any better either. I could actually feel where my teeth were gone and my stitches were throbbing. I took my antibiotics and another pain killer, grabbed more frozen peas and slept another 3 hours. The rest of my day was spent swollen (one side is more swollen than the other), talking to my parents, writing and not wearing pants. Mike came home with a new toothbrush for me and we took a nap which involved him holding a pack of peas on my face. I woke up in more pain but held out until I had to take my next round of antibiotics before taking another pain killer. Shaka and his bro came by to borrow my car and made me laugh, which hurts. Mike went to work to oversee the first night of DJ action at the space (there's a big anti-Valentine's Day party tomorrow on top of that) and I watched 3 episodes of Freaks and Geeks, an episode of Confessions of a Call Girl (love sexy Rose! that's a Dr Who reference for those of you who don't know) and catching up on this. 

Holding out one more hour before my next round of pills...

All Gone!

After being overly dramatic for the past few weeks, the surgery was a piece of cake. There was enough anxiety going on thanks to shit insurance, but thanks to the laughing gas, I had a blast. I freaked a bit when I went into the operating room. The nurse hooked me up to heart monitors, which made me focus on staying calm. I got my heart to stop racing at 96BPM to an average of 74. It immediately jumped when the surgeon's assistant (it's a teaching hospital, so I'm assuming he's fresh out of dental school), couldn't find the right button to turn on the monitor hooked to my finger. 

I realized that they were playing Justin Timberlake in the operating room as they began to gas me. I found this quietly hilarious and really, really odd. Then the surgeon came in, just in time, because the other dude (who had nice glasses but seemed more nervous than me) was about to do my IV. The IV is what has been freaking me out the most, probably just because I've never had one before. The surgeon told me it would feel like a mosquito bite, in which I replied he was a liar. He said this was the worst thing I'd feel, I tried not to giggle and then told everyone good luck and that I'll see them later. 

Next thing I know, Mike is sitting in front of me, trying not to laugh. Probably because I had zero clue of what was going on. He called my folks and I was under the impression that I was really funny, although I couldn't see myself. This is what I looked like:

The surgery lasted a little more than a half hour. It took about 15 minutes to come to and was out of there in about another 20 minutes. 

Adios Teeth

My final solid, chewable meal was a turkey burger with mozzarella and sweet potato fries at Trident. Mike bought me a bunch of magazines and Freaks and Geeks upon Jeannie's recommendation. A few days ago, he stocked the fridge and cabinets with polenta, mashed potatoes, pastina, pudding, lots of Odwalla drinks (Protein Monster!) and ice cream. I was kinda peeved that he bought organic ice cream from Whole Foods, not Ben & Jerry's (mint chocolate cookie, to be exact). He's been awesome.

The morning of the surgery, I woke up from a strange dream where I decided to drink some 7-Up and therefore fucked up my chances of being sedated for surgery. But I really, really had to have 7-Up. Couldn't tell you the last time I even saw a 7-Up. Does it even exist anymore? Also dreamt that Mike gave me a ring before surgery, only it was a ring with a giant cuckoo clock on it. Wonder what that means (a bit expectant, no)? 

When I went by the store to say ciao to the gang, Casey handed off this silly headband that found its way into my car that I had given her last week when she was on her death bed. It's now our official miracle worker that will continue to be passed amongst us to make things better. By the way, it's black and silver lame and pretty awful.

Then I brushed my teeth for the last time. Oh evil tooth, how I will not miss you. 

Sage Words Of Advice

My friend Matthew studies homeopathy and I asked him for suggestions for anything to help minimize swelling and help with healing. He listed a bunch of fruits, which I broke down to just pineapple juice, to help swelling. When I used to make skate videos for international beverage companies, all the poor, uninsured skaters would drink tons of pineapple juice to help minimize swelling, bruising and sprains. He also suggested going to Teavana and getting a mix of roobois and marigold tea to promote healing. I felt like an asshole when I said roy-boy to a co-worker of mine and she indirectly corrected me.

Last night, Mike and I went to Tangierino in Charlestown (which is quite lovely) to celebrate the relaunch of Stuff (formerly Stuff @ Night), which I styled the cover story. Hung out with some of my favorite girls in town and Mike looked like a total stud, surrounded by a ton of beautiful women and my other boyfriend, Sam. A friend of a friend, the daughter of a dentist, made some recommendations that included frozen chips of chicken broth for protein and frozen vegetables in a knee sock to tie around my head. That brought on great laughter and everyone dying to see me with a sock tied around my head.

Denied, Denied, Denied

Well, after all that drama yesterday, what shows up in the mail? A letter from Doral (you would think I would've known how to spell the name of my former dental insurance, but the name has never once been printed on anything I've ever seen). All of my extractions were denied because I was ineligible for the insurance coverage. Wouldn't it be better to send me a letter beforehand telling me I no longer have fucking dental than send me a denial of my surgery 2 days beforehand. Luckily, this wasn't a shocker but it still infuriates me.

Un-F-ing-Believable

I have a strange work schedule that's constantly in flux depending on what project I'm working on. For the most part, Sundays are the new Saturdays, but Mondays are still Mondays. If I can get my ass in gear the night before, I don't have to worry about getting my 10am (or even noon) posts up on New Brahmin. I was on my A-game this week and decided to sleep in come Monday morning since it's also Mike's day off. But then the phone rang.

It was the oral surgeon's office. I figured they were just confirming my surgery. Well, yes, but apparently I no longer have dental insurance. I spend the next hour or so of my life trying not to scream at every person I speak to at Commonwealth Connector, which is the program that hooks non-insured Mass residents with affordable health insurance, and Network Health, my insurance company.

Some background: In November I received a notice saying that because I earned $X in 2007 and am something like 116% above the poverty level, I am not longer eligible for my insurance. WTF, right? Isn't it their job to make sure that everyone in MA has health insurance since it's a law? Anyway, I appealed this and held my breath for about a month and didn't say anything to anyone. Eventually, post-New Years, I received a letter from Commonwealth Connector saying "congratulations, you're in our system!" along with a new insurance card from Network. I noticed that my pricing was much higher on the card but sorta figured, whatever, I'll deal with it later. Then I got a bill.

Back to the story: OK, no worries, still got insurance, right? Well, yes, health insurance. Apparently, when my insurance was changed over by the state, going from practically no premium to $110, my plan no longer includes dental. No one told me this and I'm sure the finger pointing just goes back to me for not researching any changes in my plan. As great of a program CommConnector is for people who couldn't access affordable healthcare (read: actual poor people, not freelancers and entrepreneurs like myself), the more you pay, the less you get, which is a completely ass-backwards system. But that's the insurance business for you. Some options were recommended, none of which applied to my situation. That situation being that I'm having fucking 8 teeth pulled in 3 days. 

Got an estimate from the surgeon's office and will have to pay in cash because I refuse to reschedule the surgery. I was under the impression that this would be at least a $6000 undertaking but it was far less (yet still significant). Luckily, I'm very fortunate and have been spotted the fee, hoping that the claim form I get in return will bring a nice refund check once I get this insurance shit straight. This whole conundrum ruined my day and put me in the most horrible mood possible.