Birthday Dress

As I mentioned earlier, when I found out that I was doomed to a mouth full of metal for the next 2 years, I went out and justified a reasonably expensive purchase as my birthday dress. This is possibly the best shot of said dress (I'm in the center). It's from Reiss and has a nice spin on ruffles. It also has an exposed zipper and a weird belt that isn't really a belt. Oh yeah, and a built in corset. Can't wait to see what I buy when I actually get the adult braces and am in physical pain.

The Handsome Dentist

Last night I hung out at Casey's after we had a date at Shaw's. Like all of my dear friends, our conversations are non-linear, which means we talk about 10 different things at once. She brings up that she started reading this and asks me about the handsome dentist. More like what does the handsome dentist look like...

Before we think to Google him, I mention what hit me the night before when I was watching Weeds. The handsome dentist looks like the mayor of Tijuana that Nancy is secretly dating (sidebar: has anyone seen this week's episode? OMFG! I love when shows just throw you for a loop like that!), who's a really famous actor in Mexico named Demian Bichir.

Without naming the handsome dentist (note: he is not Latin by the sounds of his last name), here is a comparison (because we found his picture too):

If I could have found a picture of Bichir with glasses on, it would be far more convincing. I hope that this doesn't get blown out of context. Recently, there was an admission to one of the cooks at the restaurant that we on the retail side refer to him as "Hot Dan". This is in the same vein of humor and reference. It's just a statement of fact, especially when my other dentist is in his golden years.

"Greatest Patient Ever"

I went to get the other half of my sealants fixed yesterday and was told that I was the greatest patient ever. That's always nice to hear after your ortho makes you feel like it's your fault that your jaw is crowded. I told the handsome dentist and his awesome assistant about how I was feeling towards my ortho. I can't figure out if she's pompous or not able to make a connection. Maybe it's because she doesn't laugh at my jokes.

He tells me specialists tend to miss out on the training general dentists get with patient interaction. He goes on to tell me that he teaches (at BU), and throughout his time as a teacher he refuses to sign off on students who may be brilliant but do not know how to talk to patients properly. He then went to check on another patient and his assistant and I chat away. She's in an intensive program at school to get her pre-reqs out of the way for grad school (can't remember if she wants to be a hygienist or a dentist). After discussing her difficult chem professor, she says to me out of the blue, "I can't wait for the day you walk in here and have a giant rock on your hand from your boyfriend". Wow! Talk about random. We've had the "how long have you been together" conversation before but really? Thanks, I guess.

It turns out my permanent onlay wasn't in yet. The dentist laughed and said it'll probably come in after I leave (it didn't), so I guess I'll have to come in next week for it. That will make a full 6 weeks of dental appointments.

Recorded

I got my "records" done on Wednesday. The night before, which is when I started this blog, my nose would not stop running/sneezing and I slept for about 2 hours total. I was pretty miserable. I somehow got it together to make it to my 9am appointment, feeling like a leaky faucet. The very sweet technician (???) who has the cutest scrubs I've ever scene (from Dickies, bootcut withe a cross-over top in pink and brown) was warned about my nasal situation. She throws her hands in the air and says, "Me too!" Allergies apparently, which is reassuring since I thought I had a cold for a minute. 

She did a Celph and Pan, which circles your head, along with regular x-rays I could have just given them from my other dentists. Then it was time for the impressions. I mention that I have a temporary onlay on my back right molar, so the technician checks with the ortho. The ortho comes in and in the sort of way your high school teacher may have said to you about not doing an assignment, she says, "Well, if that's an issue, we cannot do the impressions today". I felt like I was getting sent to detention or something. I explain that if it pops out, it pops out, I'm possibly getting the permanent in the next day (which didn't happen). I just didn't want to freak out the poor technician if it happened to pop out.

Well, it didn't pop out but I did make the most disgusting noise ever when she was finishing up my second top impression. I had sneezed just before and as I was laying back, felt it all dripping down the back of my throat. The impression wasn't bothering me but the fact that I couldn't swallow wasn't helping my case. When the tech went to remove the tray, which was suctioned on to my teeth, I begin to gag and dry heave. So embarrassing. I apologized profusely as I drooled all over myself. She said it happens to just about everyone and that she's used to it. 

After having a wax impression of my bite taken, I sit in the chair waiting for whatever. I overhear the tech talking to the ortho about the films she took. She didn't think they were very good and the ortho said, "It's most likely the patient. Some people can't stay still". I wonder if she realizes she's talking within earshot of said patient. I felt bad for the tech but I'm that girl who holds her breath when she gets her hair cut to prevent movement. Afterward, the ortho comes in, I guess to say hi. 

"Look at these wisdom teeth, Liana," she begins, "this one is coming in sideways". Really?! It's not like the last 2 dentists I've seen in the past 6 months neglected to tell me that themselves. I stare at her blankly until she starts on about seeing an oral surgeon. I told her I wanted to know what other teeth she suggests pulling before I go through with it because I don't want to do the surgery thing twice. She purses her lips, "Well, I'll be looking into your situation". No shit, my boyfriend just paid you $675 to do so. 

Getting Famous

My friend Casey calls me up the other day, probably an hour after I last saw her. "I forgot to tell you," she says, "I've been thinking... let's get famous". Apparently she had this conversation with my boyfriend beforehand and he said that we should get famous ASAP so I can be famous with braces. 

Casey and my dearest friend Caroline in Chicago both told me I'm now their new girlcrush because I'm getting the braces and made the immediate correlation to Gwen Stefani. If I end up looking like her afterward, it'll all be worth it. 

Maybe I should just die my hair pink and run with the whole look.

Long Day Ahead

Now that we're all caught up with my dentistry adventures, I have less then 3 hours until my records appointment at the ortho. I woke up yesterday morning feeling pretty shitty (sorta sore throat, runny nose, may or may not be allergy-induced). I was looking forward to a good night's sleep but my nose hasn't stopped running. I may have gotten 2 hours sleep but at least I started this since I left all of my relative work at the store. I'm sitting here typing with 2 pieces of toilet paper shoved up my nose because it is that out of hand, as I have been all night.

God knows how long this appointment is going to take. I don't know how I'm possibly going to breath with metal trays filled with goop shoved in my mouth or x-ray films shoved down my throat (those are the worst!). Then it's off to the store, AFH, back to the store for close and if I haven't fallen flat on my face - out and about with Jeannie and Lauryn to cover off on some party pics for New Brahmin.

Oh, and then the next day I'm back at the handsome dentist, getting the sealant on the other side of my mouth fixed and hopefully getting my permanent onlay put in. Then it's no more of him.

I think I hear the alarm going off in the bedroom. I should really go to the gym and stay awake but I can't stop sneezing!

Inlay, Overlay, Onlay, Ondele

I spent the rest of that fateful afternoon in another dentists' chair. The Novocain made it feel like I had Pop Rocks on the tip of my tongue. I currently have a temporary onlay that looks like I have a piece of gum stuck on my back molar. It bothered me for the entire weekend. The permanent onlay will hopefully be ready by the end of this week when I go back to see the handsome dentist for a 3rd week in a row.

Last week, I went back to have some sealants fixed on the opposite side (my left). Maybe I had my mouth opened too wide, maybe it was the heavy shots of Novocain or maybe it was simply the fact there were 2 sets of hands and multiple drills in my mouth but dammit my jaw killed for a good 24 hours after the Novocain wore out. I also fell asleep several times in the hour I waited before they got to me. I really don't know how I'm going to handle all this impending dental work.

Afterwards...

After the initial consultation, I go ahead and make my appointments for the records & conference (which I think is a terribly ridiculous thing to call it). As soon as I leave the office, I immediately call my mother at work in NJ and tell her the news. Our conversation goes as follows:

Me: I have to get adult braces.

Mom: Duh, you knew that.

Me: Noooo, I was under the assumption that I was getting off easy with Invisalign. I'm going to have to get braces for 2 years. Why didn't you make me get braces in high school?

Mom: You didn't want them. And when we looked into it when you were younger (12ish), not all your teeth were in yet.

Me: You should have said to me, "You don't want braces when you're 30, do you"?

Mom: You won't have braces when you're 30, Liana.

Me: But I will until I'm 28/29, so what's the difference.

Mom: 28 and 29 are not 30.

Me: Still...

High school would have been pretty sucky if I did have braces. And please don't interpret this convo with my mother as her being bitchy because I was being a total brat and she was quite funny throughout the whole thing. I even may have started crying when I was talking to her.

The next thing I do is call the boyfriend, seeing that this is his investment. Our conversation pretty much goes the same exact way as the one with my mother but he has a much more boisterous laugh. I head straight to Newbury St to do some work before I go back to the other dentist for my onlay. I dragged my feet the entire way until I bought what I justified as my birthday dress (pics to come when it's my bday). I shouldn't have because the deposit for my onlay cost just as much as the dress and I had to put that on my AmEx as well. Live now, pay later.

I stop by work #3 and before I say a word, A comes up to me, hugs me and says, "I heard the news, I'm so sorry" as if someone died. It was extremely sweet. At some point before I leave, she tells me that my boyfriend asked his PR girls (who he had a meeting with that morning) if they could send out a press release announcing that I am getting adult braces. He was clearly excited because if I hadn't told someone myself in the kitchen, they already knew. Jeff the chef suggested that I chew all the gum and eat all the Doritos as humanly possible before I get them put on. No one had anything nice to say about their experience with braces.

The Thing About Invisalign

I made an appointment in August with the dentist recommended to fix my cracked filling. To my surprise, he is quite handsome. He also laughs at my jokes and his assistant is awesome. But that of course is all besides the point. 

My friend A told me beforehand that she didn't qualify for Invisalign, which I thought was ludicrous. Her teeth are spaced where mine are crowded, which has worried me that I wouldn't be a candidate for these vain little trays. I think to myself, "If A can't get them, I have no chance in hell".

So I go to the dentist, who also happens to do cosmetic dentistry. I tell him I'm in the market for Invisalign and he does a consultation. The verdict: I have a difficult case, but as long as I don't care for rotation, it would take 14-16 months, $4600 (he mentions that his pricing is slightly lower than if I did Invisalign through an ortho). He suggests that I get an ortho consultation (which I had already scheduled for later that week) because I am so crowded. I'm over the moon. I go to work later that day (for those of you who don't know me, one of my many jobs is as a mentor to a fashion program I developed for the amazing non-profit Artists For Humanities), and the average age of the kids I work with is 15/16, so most of them had/have braces. I'm told I'm lucky and hear some horror stories.

A few days go by and I go to my ortho consultation out in Newton. As I sit in the waiting room, a girl leaves, who is around 16 or 17, just having her braces removed. All I can think to myself is "Fuck, I'm too old to do this". Then I think of Brianne, who was my BFF in elementary school and still is. I think when we were 22 or 23, she got adult braces. I don't remember her teeth being particularly messy but she had them on for a LONG time. I haven't seen her since Christmas and I think she either just got them off or was about to. She had such a good attitude about it because she would constantly call herself a dork and make fun of her braces. It was endearing. My boyfriend met her a few years back right after she got them and still refers to her as "the girl with the braces". I remind myself I got one thumb up for Invisalign and might not have to be remembered by someone else's boyfriend as "the girl with braces".

In the midst of my thoughts, I get called into the doctor's office. Almost immediately she tells me that Invisalign will be a waste of both time and money because I have a difficult bite. In her honest opinion, she does not think that I will be happy with the results (mainly because Invisalign doesn't really rotate teeth) and if I'm going to do it, to just do it right. Now that's a sales pitch if I've ever heard one. My eyes immediately begin to well up and I consider walking out. Then I consider pleading with her. I ask about lingual braces - the ones attached to the tongue-side of your teeth. She tells me that only one practice in Greater Boston (out of Harvard) that actually does lingual and that they tend to be even more painful since they tear up your tongue.

Her verdict: come back to do "records", then we'll have a "conference". Records include impressions and a multitude of x-rays. Then she takes the impressions and makes 2 molds - a before and after. It sounds like an art project because she explains how she takes a jewelry file and removes/moves teeth around for the after. This takes 2 weeks. I'm skeptical as to how important this is but I sorta want to spray paint the molds gold and keep them around. I know, weird, but get used to that. The records will cost $675 and she will be able to better determine what the best way of going about this is. Her initial response - standard braces, no palette expander, about 2 years. Also, surgery is a possibility. What?! 

I'm mortified and my dreams of Invisalign are crushed.

Backstory

I've got some jacked teeth. I've always been self-conscious about them. When I was 3, I had a root canal on my front tooth and had caps on my baby teeth. I also had a couple sets of milk teeth (that means I've had 3 of whichever individual tooth). Until high school I had extensive oral surgery (I'll ballpark about 6 - 10 teeth pulled) and a spacer to allow my adult molar on my right side grow in properly. For whatever reason, I never had a spacer on the other side and that molar grew in behind the rest of my teeth. I call it my evil tooth. The only other people I've ever met who had it is my mom, who got it pulled when she was 50, and my old roommate, who is in fact evil.

At one point, towards the end of my prepubescent adventures in dentistry, I had an overlap on an eye tooth (I'm guessing that's what it is, maybe it's an incisor - I work in fashion, what do I know about teeth). I remember sitting in my dentist Dr Costello's office when he pulled the lower tooth to let the top one drop in (this was a case of milk teeth). This here is what I lovingly call my snaggletooth. It is also the reason why I hate smiling. 

A year ago, my lovely boyfriend had made a comment that I won't get into because he would just deny that's how the conversation about braces started (plus he's big into privacy, which is the real reason why I won't get into it). Bottom line, he said that he would pay for me to get braces. Defensively, I say, "What?! Are you embarrassed by my snaggletooth?". His response could not have been more the polar opposite of what I was expecting, "Honey, you never smile in pictures". Sweet, huh? Anywho, he meant what he said. 

I slacked off on dealing with the whole dentist thing until this past February. Valentine's Day to be exact. My health insurance offers dental but good luck getting anything but an autobot that asks your zip code and recommends 3 dentists in the same office that never answer their phone. Whatevs, the boy said he'd take care of me on this. So I go to his family dentist, a periodontist who is everything I would want in a 90 year-old Jewish grandfather. OK, maybe 85. I spent the next month getting deep cleanings because I neglected to go to the dentist for most of college/post-college (I went to a real shitty dentist in Manhattan when I was 22 and had insurance from my only big girl job - I am now in the process of getting an onlay for the cavity he filled because it's cracked. Asshole). In July, at a follow-up, I get a lecture about how I need this said onlay and should not wait as long as I have to do it. He makes his recommendations (he gave me 2 other names the last time I was in, but I never bothered calling) and I remind him he still owes me an orthodontist's name. He gives me that of his granddaughter's ortho. Can't go wrong with that, right?

Guess we'll just have to wait and see.